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[26 Jul 2005|04:13pm] |
nothing much new going on really. i have a new journal. i decided it was about that time, so if you want to, go ahead and add me.
carbon7monoxide
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[22 Jul 2005|09:49am] |
So I am home again. It feels better than ever. I hope Josh stops by today. That would be awesome.
To everyone in ypsi, I will be back out there soon to see you. When I get my car back.
Lots of love to everyone, I'm going to go unpack.
ps. Happy late b-day Carey.
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| Carey: |
[14 Jun 2005|07:34pm] |
Okay, so..I've reached the angry phase in this crazy game, that I continue to play with you. But this is it! The final fucking straw! If you even bother to read this, I'm done. I'm done worrying about you, thinking about you all the time. I kept wishing that I hadn't left MI for you, so I could take care of you.
It's hard but I don't feel you anymore. I guess that should have been the first sign that this craziness had a game over sign somewhere along the road.
I don't know if you were doing it on purpose but you were driving me crazy. And even if you weren't, I know that you knew what you were doing to me.
Frankly this comes down to the fact that I'm fucking tired of your "boo hoo me" act.
You have me!! I'm not bragging or anything, but you know that I mean something to you. You know damn well that if you wanted someone to be there for you and to do something to get you out of the hole that you put yourself in, I would be there in an instant. If you called me and told me you needed me to be there, I would drop everything and go. Despite all of the shit that you've done to me. Despite all of the things I've done to you.
I'll be here for you, no matter what that will never ever change. But I need to be okay in my own life and thats why I am saying this to you.
I love you. I'll be here, and I'll be back to visit in August. When you deside to finally take matters into your own hands call me.
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| Life in CT |
[07 Jun 2005|01:39am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Every moment that goes by has a dramatic change. My thoughts and feelings are constantly changing.
There really isn't much to say about my life right now.
I've accepted the fact that I am crazy. I think I'm learning how to deal with it a little better.
I guess it would be safe to say that, I've grown up a lot with the short time that I've been in CT.
But even with the fact that I've been developed a better sense of self control, I am as fucking nutts as I've ever been.
I can't sleep.
I turn over the same thoughts in my head for weeks.
Little things take place of the big picture ideas, then they all add up into this pile of craziness in my head.
I miss home, but I don't know what the hell I'd be doing if I were there. I love it here, but it won't ever be home.
Inspite of all of the shit in my head I'm doing better than I have been in a while. At the same time, as fucked up as ever.
Did I make that point clear enough?
On a lighter note, I broke into a water slide the other day. Mitch, Vickie (mitch's new gf) my friend Jessica and I went to Ocean Beach Park. Mitch and Vickie were off doing their own thing, so Jess and I crashed a private party, jumped the fence to the waterslide. We took off our clothes. (except bras and underwear) We went down the slide with no water. Basically we climbed down and jumped in the pool at the bottom.
As we were running out of the freezing pool we see a flashing light.
I kinda freaked out, but I was proud. I handled myself pretty well.
Well the flashing light turned out to be a sec. guard, who found us hiding dripping wet, half naked.
And the best part was that he pretty much didn't care. He thanked us for making his job more exciting.
lol
It was a pretty good laugh.
I have a new job, at a gas station it's the easiest job ever.
My magr is fucking crazy though. I hate him.
oh well.
Thats all I'm going to say for a while. I don't know when I'll be back on again. But who ever still reads this I love you.
Miss you..
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[18 May 2005|04:58pm] |
new address because we just moved into our house
37 tern
gronton, ct 06340
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| ct sucks |
[12 May 2005|11:40pm] |
There isn't much to say. Connecticut is just Ct. Nothing exciting really..and all of the people who I actually have some kind of connection with aren't even from this state. I think that is a little funny. Well here is the update on our/my current situation. We are moving this weekend from Nutmeg woods (our apt) because we've gotten so many complaints. So we're moving into former Navy housing. So we have this really ugly yellow, if I remember correctly, house. But Mitch and I will have our own bedroom, but I'm not even really thrilled about that.
I just wish things would go right for once, I wish things would just fall into place.
I was really tempted to go back to Michigan this past weekend, but I can't because I don't have a place there anymore so it would be pointless.
In michigan, I was in love with a dream. I had friends who loved me but had nothing to offer me, and a family who didn't appreciate me.
Now I am stuck in CT where I can't make ends meat and I've lost all of those things that I had in Michigan but thought I didn't need.
Oh and by the way,
I'll be here for a year. I just signed a lease so I'm stuck here for a year.
Carey I know you don't care, but if you read this will you please try to get ahold of me. my phone is shut off right now. but if you call michelle's phone that would be awesome. i just really would like to talk to you.
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[01 Apr 2005|12:16pm] |
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hey everyone... i haven't left yet.. if any of you don't know that. I'm leaving from A2 on the 6th.
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| awww so sad...... |
[19 Mar 2005|01:46pm] |
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I hope you all know I love you very much! All of you, but I am moving to connecticut on the 29th of March.. I'm pretty sure. So if you wanna see me you all know how to get ahold of me.
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| goodbye. |
[10 Mar 2005|10:25pm] |
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Things have changed so much. Now I'm just waiting for the next transition of change. All of you that were here before are gone. I'm completely happy with that.
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[23 Feb 2005|03:28am] |
I sit watching shadows and reflections
Spinning in my coffee cup.
They've been teaching me to trust my instinct
But this ecstacy has got me
Falling
Down
And there are no more corners to turn down this road.
**********
Thats all I have now. But there will be more, once I can find time to write.
I'm so busy! Blah.
I talked to Michelle tonight, which was awesome. We had a good talk. A good Michelle/Angie talk. It made me happy.
She'll be back soon!!! Her, my friend, Chris and I are going to get a place in the A2 area!
Whoo hoo..
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| Question of the day! |
[27 Jan 2005|11:03pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
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music |
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neutral milk hotel |
] |
How many kittens have you killed today? heheheheh... only Michelle will understand this.
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| "this is the end...my friend..."" |
[26 Jan 2005|08:53pm] |
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so yeah the title....completely true this time. i'm done with livejournal. i am not going to put my thoughts out there for no reason. i'm also just done with everything. i can't make my friends happy, i can't make the one person in the entire world that i want to make happy, happy, and i definatly can't make anyone in my fucking family happy. So i give up. fuck it. i'm done. it's just that simple. i fucking hate you all anyway. i'll just get my shit together and be on my way. no one will have to deal with me. or not deal with me, i should really say. fuck you goodbye
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[24 Jan 2005|02:00pm] |
Something is telling me
I don't know what we can do for eachother, anymore.
But then I get that empty feeling.
There are so many memories all around.
I don't know which voice to listen to
I don't know which path to take.
I just wish you'd stop playing games with me
Because you know they don't work
I am your other half
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| wow doesn't this entry look familar |
[26 Dec 2004|01:43am] |
| [ |
music |
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sex pistols-anarchist |
] |
Yeah...so umm. I've been kicked out of my house again! WTF! I guess I'm just that horrible.. I'm such a terrible kid. Well you know what, I'm done with these games. I'm just fucking done. It's stupid. They critisize me and make me feel like shit. Well I'm done. After I get my shit from there house when I actually have a place to live, I won't ever go back there.
Too bad.. Their loss.
So my options..
Well right now I have been staying over at Jamies. She is in the hospital because she was in a terrible accident. That is her bussiness, however, so I am not going to post details on here. Anyways, I've been staying here to help Mom with packing and cleaning, keeping the house up, taking care of the dogs..and what not. I know Jamie isn't too happy about it, she doesn't like me very much.
Jamie if you read this sometime when you get out of the hospital, I'm sorry you are/were upset about me being here. I hope it didn't stress you out too much, because I really do just want to help Mom and all of you guys out. I want you to also know even though you don't like me, I really do care about you. I hope someday we'll be able to get along. I also hope you recover fully and are back to your crazy self soon :)
Anyways.. so back to my options. Well when I leave Jamie's I might be staying with Michelle wherever she is staying. Then I'm thinking about going to Boston or Florida. I want to go down there anyway because my cousin, my wonderful, awesome cousin, Brendan has a Bright Eyes ticket for me! WOOT!! Other than those I don't know what my options are. I have to talk to my Aunt Diane.. see if I can stay with them for a while or something. I don't know.
So anyways goodbye for a while.. I don't know when I will be online again.
Love you all.
Oh and by the way if anyone is selling a car.... lemme know? Okie?
Fuck you all. *hugs and kisses*
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[10 Dec 2004|12:50pm] |
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results | Sociability | |||||| | 13% | | Aggressiveness | |||||||||||| | 32% | | Assertiveness | |||||||||||| | 35% | | Activity Level | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 69% | | Excitement-Seeking | |||||||||||||||||| | 53% | | Enthusiasm | |||||| | 11% | | Extroversion | |||||||||||| | 35% | | Trust | |||||||||||| | 40% | | Morality | ||| | 5% | | Altruism | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 85% | | Cooperation | |||||| | 19% | | Modesty | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Sympathy | |||||||||||||||||| | 59% | | Friendliness | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Confidence | ||| | 9% | | Neatness | ||| | 8% | | Dutifulness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 68% | | Achievement | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Self-Discipline | ||| | 9% | | Cautiousness | ||| | 4% | | Orderliness | ||||||||| | 24% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Volatility | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 96% | | Depression | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 94% | | Self-Consciousness | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 96% | | Impulsiveness | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 89% | | Vulnerability | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 97% | | Emotional Stability | ||| | 8% | | Imagination | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Artistic Interests | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Introspection | |||||||||||| | 33% | | Adventurousness | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Intellect | ||||||||| | 29% | | Liberalism | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Openmindedness | |||||||||||||||||| | 56% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
| Trait |
. |
low score |
high score |
| Sociability |
13% |
socially reserved, detached |
friendly, open |
| Aggressiveness |
32% |
mild mannered, uncompetitive |
predatory, domineering |
| Assertiveness |
35% |
introverted, loner |
controlling, aggressive |
| Activity Level |
69% |
relaxed, laid back |
vigorous, high energy |
| Excitement-Seeking |
53% |
sedate, restrained |
adventurous, wild |
| Enthusiasm |
11% |
somber, pessimistic |
cheerful, optimistic |
| Trust |
40% |
suspicious of others |
trusting of others |
| Submissiveness |
5% |
rebellious, lawless |
dutiful, obedient, compliant |
| Altruism |
85% |
selfish, cold, austere |
helpful, selfless, indulgent |
| Cooperation |
19% |
argumentitive, confrontational |
conflict averse, meek |
| Modesty |
46% |
arrogant, self-satisfied |
humble, unassuming, doormat |
| Sympathy |
59% |
callous, heartless |
empathetic, warm |
| Confidence |
9% |
not confident in work |
confident in work, egoistic |
| Neatness |
8% |
disorganized, messy |
planner, clean, anal |
| Dutifulness |
68% |
dishonest, derelict |
honest, rule abiding, proper |
| Achievement |
50% |
lazy, unmotivated |
driven, goal oriented |
| Self-Discipline |
9% |
procrastinator |
responsible, efficient |
| Cautiousness |
4% |
spontaneous, daring, reckless |
careful, controlled, safe |
| Anxiety |
82% |
relaxed, fearless |
fearful, worrier |
| Volatility |
96% |
calm, cool |
touchy, tempermental |
| Depression |
94% |
content, balanced |
emotional, self hating |
| Self-Consciousness |
96% |
confident, assured |
low self esteem, shy |
| Impulsiveness |
89% |
high self control |
low self control |
| Vulnerability |
97% |
resilient, unphased |
confused, helpless |
| Imagination |
62% |
practical, realistic |
dreamer, unrealistic |
| Artistic Interests |
90% |
artistic indifference |
art, nature, beauty lover |
| Introspection |
33% |
not self reflective |
self searching |
| Adventurousness |
50% |
conventional, safe |
spontaneous, bold |
| Intellect |
29% |
instinctive, non-analytical |
intellectual, analytical |
| Liberalism |
76% |
conservative, traditional |
progressive, open |
Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
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[03 Nov 2004|06:18pm] |
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FUCK BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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justaphase72569's journal